


had I been stronger and braver way back when

by heylookahufflepuff



Series: you are so much more than your father's son [2]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Gen, Iroh (Avatar) is a Good Uncle, Iroh is not having a good time, Mentions of Burns, Mentions of Death, Mentions of Violence, Mentions of War, Nothing explicit, POV Iroh (Avatar), Protective Iroh (Avatar), all the other characters are there but in the background, i mean it’s Ozai what do you expect, in this house we love and respect Uncle Iroh but still recognize that he did some messed up stuff, it's all Iroh baby, it’s not super graphic but it’s there, mentions of child abuse, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:06:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29058711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heylookahufflepuff/pseuds/heylookahufflepuff
Summary: Then Lu Ten dies, and Iroh breaks.
Relationships: Azula & Iroh (Avatar), Iroh & Ozai (Avatar), Iroh & Zuko (Avatar)
Series: you are so much more than your father's son [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2131908
Comments: 4
Kudos: 123





	had I been stronger and braver way back when

Iroh is the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation. He is the Dragon of the West, the scourge of the Earth Kingdom, the terrorizer of Ba Sing Se. 

He is old already when he leaves home to fulfill his father’s sacred mission. His son, Lu Ten, is young, healthy and strong. Though Lu Ten is not a bender, and therefore seen as weak in his grandfather Azulon’s eyes, Iroh knows this is the furthest thing from the truth. Lu Ten is handsome and brave, and makes his nation proud. 

Iroh leads his troops from a heavy silk tent, far enough behind the front lines that the wall surrounding Ba Sing Se looks like a shimmering illusion on the horizon. It has been many months, nearly two years, since they first began their siege. He knows the citizens of Ba Sing Se must be weak, and hungry, and desperate. If he can hold out just a little while longer, he will take the city, and bring the prosperity and love of the Fire Nation to its ignorant people. 

Lu Ten is sent to lead the troops closest to the wall. It is an honor to his name, to trust him with such a duty. Iroh knows this. So when he watches his son stride away from Iroh’s command tent, head held high and black hair shining in Agni’s blessed rays, he swallows the feeling of foreboding that rises in his throat. 

  
Then Lu Ten dies, and Iroh breaks.

  
He does not remember much of his retreat from Ba Sing Se. He knows only that his lieutenants scream at him to reconsider, brandishing letters sent by messenger hawk from Fire Lord Azulon. He does not care. He leaves, and lets the siege fail without him. Without Lu Ten, there is nothing more for him to care about. 

Iroh arrives back at the royal palace with little fanfare. He is berated for hours by Azulon, kneeling on the cold stone of the throne room until bruises bloom on his knees, and he does not care. 

He sees his nephew, his sad eyes watching him as Iroh walks slowly down the hall, past the room that used to be Lu Ten’s. Zuko’s eyes are the same golden hue his cousin used to have.   
Iroh tries not to care.

Iroh is not stupid.

He hears the whispers of the court, he knows they think he has gone mad, that he has lost his way. He supposes he has; where the golden finery and rich tapestries that line the palace walls used to fill him with pride, pride in his beloved nation and in his power, he now feels nothing but shame. His heart feels empty, shriveled and bloody within him. He retreats to his rooms, playing long distance Pai Sho with the few friends he still has. Iroh can feel his nephew’s eyes on him sometimes, but he does not look up. He doesn’t want to see the boy’s gaze that looks so much like Lu Ten’s. He does not want to see, as well, the fear the boy holds for Iroh’s brother. He turns away when he realizes Zuko’s eye has been blackened, that his arm is bound tightly with white bandages. 

He lets himself be drowned in his loss. 

  
Then, something happens to break the waters, to pull his head up and into the air again.

His sister in law goes missing. 

Ursa, he knows, would never abandon her children willingly. He has seen, from a distance since he returned, how much she cares for them, especially Zuko.   
He knows enough to suspect wrongdoing. It is solidified when Azulon is pronounced dead just one day later, and Ozai takes the throne in his stead.

Iroh is not concerned with being passed over, though the throne was supposed to be his birthright. He only cares, now, for the two little children who are suddenly alone.

Azula does not care for his attempts to broker trust. She scoffs at his offerings of tea and cakes, rips herself away from him when he attempts to comfort her. She screams that she doesn’t care that her mother is gone, that she is glad it is so. Iroh knows this is not true, but he lets her do it anyway. He does not want to force anything else on her, even love. Later, he will wonder if this was a mistake.

Zuko, though. Zuko is a silent shadow who haunts the halls, particularly the courtyard with the little shaded pond. Iroh sees him there one day, curled up, one hand trailing in the water as he watches the turtleducks swim about. 

Iroh brings him some peas from the kitchen, and they feed the turtleducks together. Just as Iroh and Lu Ten used to, before. 

  
He is there for his nephew after the farce of the Agni Kai. He thinks, for one moment, of stepping over his young, burned, still smoldering body and fighting his brother. He wants to burn Ozai the way Zuko had burned, wants to hurt him so badly he will no longer hurt anyone else.  
But just as he did when Ursa had vanished and Azulon had died, he swallows his thoughts and instead follows the boy, being carried from the hall on a stretcher between two guards, as Ozai proclaims his banishment.

He is there when Zuko wakes a week later, delirious from fever and in so much pain he can’t stop himself from crying, on a ship sailing as far away from the Fire Nation as it can get.

Iroh must teach the boy how to bend again, without the use of his left eye. He teaches him how to compensate for his muffled hearing and blurry vision, how to use the heat in the air to perceive any threat that may be otherwise unnoticed. It is three years of healing, and hard training, and anger building inside the banished Crown Prince, before their impossible mission suddenly becomes something that could be real. He sees the sudden explosion of light burst into the sky amongst the icebergs, and feels his heart, still cracked and even more bloodied since Lu Ten’s death, constrict in his chest. 

Zuko is determined. Zuko is determined, angry, and wild. Iroh has tried to temper the rage within him, but has failed, has watched him grow even further away from that quiet boy who used to watch the turtleducks. He knows this is Ozai’s fault, and Azulon’s fault, but he also blames himself. Had Iroh been less wrapped up in his own grief, perhaps he could have seen the path his nephew was on, and redirected him. As it is now, he can only hope to guide him back to it from the wilderness of his broken spirit.

Iroh fails at this, too. He watches his nephew side with Azula in the catacombs of Ba Sing Se, sees the _wrongness_ behind her eyes, and knows that Zuko does not see it. Despite everything, Zuko has a big heart, too big. Iroh knows he just wants his sister back, wants his father’s approval. And so, as Zuko turns from him and the Dai Li rush to put him in chains, Iroh whispers a prayer to Agni for Zuko’s forgiveness.

The old rumors of his madness have followed Iroh from the palace and into the prison in the capital. He uses them, lets them think him no more than a foolish, weak old man. This is their downfall, and on the Day of Black Sun, he escapes. Later he will hear how his nephew confronted his father on that day, how Zuko threatened Ozai and told him he was wrong, and he will feel pride swell within him once more. Now, though, he only knows that he must get as far away from Caldera as he can. 

Iroh camps outside Ba Sing Se once again, with help from his long-distance Pai Sho friends. He bows to King Bumi, Master Pakku, Master Piandao, and Master Jeong Jeong, and tries not to picture Zuko within its walls. Tries not to picture Lu Ten outside them. 

The Order of the White Lotus keeps Iroh safe, gives him a place to stay while they wait for Sozin’s comet to arrive. When he awakens one morning, he senses a thin, tired figure kneeling on the mat beside his bedroll. He does not look at first. He does not want to face Zuko in his shame, does not want to see the blame he must feel for his uncle’s failing him. But instead, he hears his nephew’s voice break as he sobs for Iroh’s forgiveness. He pulls him into a hug before he can finish, his cracked heart healing just a little within his chest. 

Iroh is no longer the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation, nor is he the scourge of the Earth Kingdom, or the terrorizer of Ba Sing Se. He is, however, still the Dragon of the West. He turns this history on his nation, fights for the invasion that mirrors the one he once waged. It is but a drop in the ocean of penance he owes this city, this kingdom, the world, but as he sees the occupying army fall back, sees them retreat, he smiles. 

He reopens his tea shop within the heart of Ba Sing Se, and serves tea to his nephew, the Avatar, and their friends when they visit on diplomatic journeys. He sees the new Fire Lord laugh as the ambassador for Gaoling dumps her tea over the Avatar’s head and bends the metal of their serving tray over her head to fend off his retaliation. 

He is there when Zuko weds Mai, and sees his nephew’s heart grow even larger.

Then baby Lu Ten joins his elder sister Izumi, cradled in an elated Fire Lord Zuko’s loving arms, and Iroh feels whole.

**Author's Note:**

> Look at that, two fics in one day. I'm on a roll.  
> This one is different than the first one. I hope you like the formatting. I think Iroh is endlessly fascinating.  
> Also, I know, canonically, that Izumi was an only child, but hey. Symmetry.
> 
> Edit: I rewatched Sozin's Comet and realized I miswrote what Iroh did during the comet- that he invaded Ba Sing Se, didn't fight off an invasion. So I changed a couple things to try to reflect that. Let me know if it works!
> 
> Title is from "Heirloom" by Sleeping at Last.


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